yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
