sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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