Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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