Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize