i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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