You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
