please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
