no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
