We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
