Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize