Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize