is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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