just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
