yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize