wanna go halves on a baby?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
