is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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