Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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