i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
