We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I could fuck to npr.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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