turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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