Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
