I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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