they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
