He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
