well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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