Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize