one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
