Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
