I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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