dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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