So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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