break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
