this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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