He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize