Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
