not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
