I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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