you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
