I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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