I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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