TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize