im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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