those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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