I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
