Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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