the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize