my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
