Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
