just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
