eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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