You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
