he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
