We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
