I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
