At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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