you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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