dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
