Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
