someone owes me an orgasm
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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