good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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