return my video game
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize