Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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