Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
