what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
