so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
