He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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