Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
