Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
