I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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