i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
