Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
