I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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