Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
