the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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