i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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