I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
