He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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