Soap is not a condiment
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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