I didn't shave. On purpose
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
