Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
