If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
