3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
