We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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