I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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