Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
