omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
